11/27/25- Self-Control

My wife and I were hanging out this morning, a bit under the weather (we started feeling sick a couple of days ago, it’s been great ), and we got to talking about self -control; specifically, mine. It was an encouraging conversation; we talked through some areas of improvement over the last year, some areas that definitely still need work, and about the difference that we’ve both seen since I really started working to draw near to God several months ago. I won’t bother to act like it hasn’t been a struggle of mine to exercise self-control/impulse control/whatever you want to call it for most of my life, in one way or another. When I was younger, I collected an absurd amount of bushcraft knives, guitars and guitar accessories, spent ridiculous amounts of money on music, and was a junk food fiend. When I got to college, my needle swung hard in the direction of good vibes and bad choices, then did a total 180 towards being a cleaned up health nut and gym rat for a couple of semesters, then right back to the junk. When I found a band I liked, I’d learn every song. If I liked a game I’d get every game in the series. If I made friends, I was all in, even if I didn’t always show it well. When I got back into Magic: The Gathering and Yu-Gi-Oh! last year after a long hiatus, I dumped a stupid amount of time and thought into them that I could have productively put literally anywhere else. I’ve always been the type of person that lets their interests become a personality trait. I’m not proud of it, I’m not excusing it, it just is what it is. When I was introduced to adult entertainment as a kid (not by any family members, thank God), it fascinated me and sucked me in for a long time. Its not that I didn’t do anything productive or good while dealing with any of these struggles, but they all certainly dampened the good things along the way, particularly the adult entertainment. Looking back, that colored an uncomfortably large part of my life for a very long time; it brought about a lot of shame, a lot of lust, a sense of isolation that never quite left, and a severe hardening of heart. Developmentally, it showed me way too much, way too soon, and made me far too comfortable with a lot of other sketchy things for a long time. To put it another way, it deadened my sensitivity; not just to sexual things, but to sin in general. A radio host I like to listen to, Chad Davidson from the 5.11 News, likes to say that “sin is always pregnant with the next sin,” borrowing from James 1:13-15, and he’s right; sin never says “enough",” it always cries “more!” I don’t mean to blame every single issue I’ve ever had on my exposure to or use of adult entertainment over the years (to be clear, it is not ongoing, praise God), but I think if I’m honest looking back over my life I would see that the root of many of my deepest struggles either was or was worsened by that addiction. It never said “enough,” and for years, neither would I. That habit, mingled with my own impulsivity, was a very damning combination.

I say all this to testify both to the goodness of God in setting me free from that horrible addiction and to the terrible power that sin can have over us. It never settles, it will always want more of you, and it will bleed into other areas, no matter how mature or in control you think you are. Sexual sin is a great example; the first time I was exposed to adult entertainment, I was curious but mortified. I knew it was wrong, but it woke something up in me. Then, it got progressively less noticeable; like a stain that has set into a carpet, I got used to it. It became effortless, as awful as that is. As time went on, the games, shows and movies I gravitated towards got more and more vulgar and profane, too- why shouldn’t they? At their worst they still weren’t “as bad” as the other trash I was consuming. That’s how these things get us; once we’ve gone far enough into a particular type of sin, anything we perceive to be short of that starts to look like fair game. Getting drunk isn’t “as bad” as getting high, right? And cohabitation before marriage isn’t “as bad” as sleeping around? A little yeast makes the whole lump rise, and a little sin makes the whole man sinful.

I plan to post something I’ve been working on for a while soon, hopefully in the next week or so, about the danger of ongoing sin and the tendency it has to help us “forget” God, and while it goes a different direction, I think it ties nicely into this. Self-control is one of those fruits of the Spirit that is either really stressed or severely neglected, I think, and it’s a crying shame how it has been pushed aside by so many, myself included. The fruits are, as listed in Galatians 5:22-23, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Commonly, love, joy, and peace are focused on, maybe kindness as well, but the others seem, to varying degrees, to be ignored due to their difficulty in application. The thing is, I don’t believe we can properly demonstrate any of the other fruits without demonstrating love, and we cannot demonstrate love without in some way walking out any of the other fruits. To dismiss any is to dismiss all- which is not to say that there is no grace for failure or stumbling, but instead that we ought to diligently cultivate these fruits rather than excuse ourselves when we don’t see them readily come about. The apostle Paul wrote, in 1 Corinthians 13:13, to abide in faith, hope, and love, but said that the greatest of these is love. In my life, one of the key ways I have discovered that I have denied God my love has been by obstinately refusing to exercise self-control. I’m working to rectify that now, but the fact remains. I am pleased to share that, over the last several months, I have seen significant improvement in this area of my life; I notice that I respond to things differently, I’ve gotten better with managing my time and money, and my relationship with God has improved drastically. It has cost me a lot, but it has been worth it. What would your life look like if you took a couple of days to honestly assess yourself against the fruits of the Spirit and see how you stack up? It has been very sobering for me, and it is ongoing, but I am finding much comfort in the little improvements that I see each day. I hope you will give what I’ve typed out here some consideration and try it yourself. Don’t be discouraged if/when things don’t look as great as you thought, just get to work!